Since the tropical event is messing up the fishing for the next day or so, I made a dash to hunting camp to make sure the generators were working and that the place was ready if we had to evacuate this year (God forbid). I was riding around checking things out and discovered that we have a bumper crop of the sweetest blackberries ever---talk about your all natural foods. Anyhow, I wanted a bunch, so I slipped on my snake proof leggings and proceeded to harvest the bounty.
It ain't fair. Here I was, all protected against snake bite and sprayed against ticks---I forgot about fire ants. I don't know just how long I stood in their hidden hell-nest, but I had a hat full of prime berries from that spot and had eaten several handsful when they started stinging. They thought those snakeproof leggings were just dandy---plenty of hidden places for them to get into and invade to bare skin. You know how they swarm all over, then start biting all at the same time? The sensation was painful, sudden and complicated. First, off came the snake chaps and I swatted ineffectively at my jeans as it quickly became apparent that they had to come off, too. First, the shoes had to come off and I hopped from one foot to the other, losing my balance and swearing loudly and enthusiastically. My curses were answered by a flock of crows just down the ridge, and I'm sure they were saying, "HEY, YA'LL COME LOOK AT THE FAT DUDE IN THE BRIER PATCH WITH NO PANTS."
I managed to get the fire ants under control, but I was still stuck in the brier thicket with little defense against the stickers, which seemed to have grown barbs while I wasn't looking. I wish it had happened to somebody else, and that I had it on video. It would be a lot funnier.
Damned fire ants. Damned blackberry briers. That's two more good reasons to like pier fishing.
